Wedding Wednesday: Tips On Choosing Your Bridesmaids

Wedding planning is in full swing for us! We've only got 206 days left till we're Mr. & Mrs (but really, who's counting?!?). It's become something I think about daily, and even when I try to relax and escape the wedding madness for a bit, something pops up and I'm right back in the swing of planning things. We've currently hit a bump where everything is a tad stressful, but we'll be through this patch soon and we can finally get on to the really fun things! For now, I thought I would talk a bit about the craziness that is choosing your bridal party...it sounds simple enough, right? Choose your closest friends and have a big giant party. Except not. Weddings are hectic on everyone, including your girls. To save yourself the trouble, I thought I'd put a list together of things I wish I had known before I picked my own wedding party...


1. Quality over quantity. Though I don't have that "core group" of girlfriends, I'm lucky enough to have many girlfriends! When we first got engaged, I thought I wanted to include all the girls who were a big part of my life at one point or another, but I knew right away that some of my friends might be better as guests than bridesmaids. For one, having a giant wedding party is expensive on the bride and groom. The thought of buying our wedding party gifts makes me cringe a bit because we have 8 on each side and that truly adds up. We're making it work, but if you're on a budget, stick to a smaller party. Also, if you don't have patience for people, definitely stick to a smaller party. Weddings bring out the weird in people sometimes, and I cannot tell you that attitude and sass I've dealt with, even from those who I felt would support me in every way possible. Don't have a lot of girls in your bridal party just because you feel obligated to include everyone. You'll save yourself many headaches down the road.

2. It's okay if your BFF isn't over the moon excited with you. Sometimes you just have that girlfriend who's naturally a Debbie-downer, negative-Nancy, etc etc. It doesn't make them a terrible person, but it also probably won't make for the best bridesmaid. I'm telling you now, from someone who is knee deep in the planning process, you will deal with a lot of personalities and attitudes during this time. Choose girls who will be supportive if you put them in a giant ugly puffy dress or a beautiful sleek gown. The right girls will be happy in either or because they know this day is 100% about you and your groom. If you know one of your girlfriends can't be cordial towards you, don't include them just because you're best friends.

3. You don't have to include someone just because they're related to you. It makes me a little sad to admit this, but some of the least supportive girls in my party are related to me. It sucks, but it's true. Just because they're your relatives doesn't mean they'll be the picture perfect bridesmaid. Don't feel like you HAVE to include your cousins or sister-in-law if you don't really get along with them that well to begin with. You don't owe it to anyone, and you definitely don't have to sit back and accept their negativity just because they're your're family. Plain and simple.

4. Remember this wedding is about two people. Some people might think I'm a bit crazy to include Raewyn in our wedding party since we just met earlier this year (yay blogging!). But if we're being honest here, she knows Andrew and I a lot better than some of my lifelong friends. She cares about us and our relationship, and that's what you really need in a bridesmaid (and a friend, really). Choose girls who support the both of you. This is just as much Andrew's day as it is mine, and I would never include someone who didn't like him or support our relationship.

5. Don't be afraid to NEXT, some people. My relatives I mentioned above? I might be cutting them out of my party. Awkward, I know, but really it's been so hard to deal with them. It can be a little stressful and disappointing to think about excluding people out of your wedding party after you've already asked them, but if you feel they aren't into it and are unhappy, what's the point? Don't just shrug it off. Kindly let them know that they are more than welcome to just be guests at your wedding if that's what they feel happiest doing and have that be that. Think of it this way, a few years from now when you're thinking about the memories of your wedding planning and wedding day, you don't want to think about how rude some of your girls were. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to them.

Do any of you have any other tips for choosing your bridesmaids? Have any of you encountered some bumps along the road when it comes to your wedding party? I'd love to hear about it! 

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31 comments:

  1. These are great ideas. I had a very tiny wedding so I didn't actually have bridesmaids. :(

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  2. Good idea! I had five and they were a perfect fit. Sadly I have lost touch with one of them. Found out she got married a couple years ago. That made me sad. I don't have a very big family so my cousin was the only one in my party that I was related to and she was just 16 at the time.

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  3. Great ideas, I just added my sisters as bridesmaids and made it easy on myself lol.

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  4. great tips! i'll keep this in mind when i get married :)
    xo
    Orly
    coffeebeansandhighheels.weebly.com

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  5. How to choose your bridesmaids wisely: do it the nancy way, plan a wedding in 6 days and have your brother be your own and only bridesmaid/maid of honour. Yell out to him while you're taking his children out for icecream "hey, wanna be in my wedding on Monday?" That's pretty much how I did it! Haha!

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  6. What awesome tips, i've already decided that I have too many 'best' girlfriends to have one of them being my maid of honour, so I'll probably ask my best guy friend. I know he would be amazing and knows me just as well as my girls!

    Katie <3

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  7. I got so much grief in the beginning for having my best friend as my maid of honor versus my sister but luckily my sister was extremely happy cause she didn't have to deal with me as much

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  8. good points! choosing friends we love is the way to go! =)

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  9. I never had bridesmaids. I got married in a very small ceremony because that's what we chose as a couple.

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  10. I got engaged in February so I will soon have to deal with this. Thanks for the tips I agree with you wholeheartedly!

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  11. Keep it SMALL. The more bridesmaids, the more drama. Many people are unable to be great bridesmaids, but are great friends and guests. My advice -- keep it small.

    Thrifting Diva
    www.thriftingdiva.com

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  12. Great advice. I am probably the downer bridesmaid. I feel like it is an awful lot of work, work I chose not to make anyone do for me because I eloped. So no I am not over the moon when I have to plan yet another shower, buy and tailor another dress, plan the bachelorette party etc. Granted, I have a blast on the wedding day but I tend to stress before then. Sometimes I want to decline and ask if I can please just be a guest but I don't want to be rude or hurt anyone.

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  13. Aw, I got all teary-eyed reading this. I love you and Andy!!! and all I have to say is I HEAR YUH ON THE BRIDESMAIDS. So happy to be a part and do everything I can <3

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  14. Agree with you 100%. If someone can't be sincere and supportive, it's best not to include them on such a holy and meaningful event even if they are your BFF because this is the bride's day and it should be just how SHE imagines it. :)

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  15. These are great tips! I'll definitely be keeping some of these in mind when I get married!

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  16. Great tips! Thanks! I'll hopefully be having to make these decisions soon! Sorry to hear about the family drama--there's always one!

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  17. I did not choose wisely and had to kick one out. Eeeep!

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  18. Great tips! I will remember these for when I get married :)

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  19. Great tips! I couldn't agree with your more. I don't have many regrets from my wedding, but do wish I had let one of my bridesmaids go when she got engaged shortly after me. She had enough going on and it just added to the unnecessary drama when schedules weren't met or she left the reception early. She would have been happier just attending the reception. ;-)

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  20. I had trouble with this so I just didn't have bridesmaids. I was too scared to hurt someones feelings! Love your tips!

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  21. Great tips, where am from wedding is not only two people but two families and I come from extended families through and through so will need some courage go next them but I wouldn't put most of them just because we related. Lol

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  22. Great tips. We had a small wedding and my BFF and brother were the ones standing with me, nice and easy :)

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  23. This is such a hard topic. Some of my friends were bummed about not being bridesmaids. At the end of the day you have to do what's best for you thought.
    http://www.thecrushworthy.com

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  24. I love this! My cousin is just starting to plan her wedding and I am her MOH! It is crazy to realize how expensive it is!

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  25. These are some great tips. I know not including family would be a really hard decision.

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  26. Great tips. It was sort of hard picking mine - but only because I had my really good group of high school friends and then my college friends. So I looked at all the options and went with my heart.

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  27. haha great tips!! i totally know what you mean about all the personalities coming out during the planning process. i tried my best to pick quality over quantity.. but even then sometimes your friendships don't always work out. there was one friend that i had always been on the fence about but included bc i knew she would make a huge deal about it :) and now i look back at my photos and i'm annoyed. lol but it's totally fine..

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  28. These are great tips. I love weddings, just don't like how everyone seems so stressed out about them. It's nice to see somebody be a bit more organized and focused as you!

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  29. great tips, I think it's so true to pick people who know you best even if you have only known the year or two ;-)

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  30. These are all great tips! I had 4 bridesmaids in my first wedding and while planning details and shopping for their dresses was fun, I had way more fun without any in my second wedding. :)

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  31. I really like the tip about how you don't have to choose someone just because they are related to you. It seems like a lot of people just have their sisters be their bridesmaids. That is a good idea if you are best friends with your sisters. But, sometimes they can be very far away from you and it will be difficult for them to help you out in the process of planning your wedding. http://www.marilynskeepsakes.com/

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Hey there, I'm Jess! A DIY and glitter enthusiast. Obsessed with color, my husband, our dog, and Disneyland! Here you'll find colorful DIY's on a budget, boozy sips, and snippets of my life as a newlywed. Grab a cocktail, stay a while!

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